| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|06:07 pm] |
you won't ever let me down again because i won't ever see you again
you won't ever let me down again because i won't ever see you again |
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| bandit |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|06:17 pm] |
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i spent the summer telling your band how much i hated you, and i ended the summer attatched to your lips. after you left me standing in the parking lot like a fool, i laughed because i had nothing else to do. |
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| park secrets |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|06:04 pm] |
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you walk in front of me and i stay close behind, counting your steps. you talk about the government and how unfair life is. i have so much to say but i say nothing because my heart is beating so fast i can't speak. once and a while you turn around mid sentence and stop talking to smile at me. i don't know what my face looks like when you do this but it probably confuses you. we reach the park near your house and sit behind our famous wall. i sit down and you sit next to me. secretly i want to feel you inside of me again, secretly i want to be forever yours, secretly i am in love with you. i think you know all of my secrets. you finally kiss me and i kiss you back, half laughing because i know you are finally taking me back. she doesn't matter anymore. she doesn't matter anymore. and to you it doesn't matter that i have heroin in my blood and to you it doesn't matter that sometimes i can't get out of bed and to you it doesn't matter that i prefer black over white. this time around, you'll get me through this shit. |
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| laughing is so much fun |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|06:47 pm] |
i wish i were like everyone else so i could enjoy holidays
whoever gets what they wish for?
don't say you
i try singing a song but the words don't fit into the rythmn
i try a lot of things
mostly drugs |
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| i need to stop being so fucking happy |
[Nov. 28th, 2005|03:40 pm] |
she volunteers to feed the homeless, only to put it on her college application
she has compassion for the lonely because she wants everyone to think she is understanding
she places a double standard on everyone she meets; "you can't make fun of me, but i can make fun of you"
she loves art because she wants to seem like she has depth
she does a service project so she can go run and tell teachers how wonderful she is
...she is everyone's favorite
she likes to think that she knows pain
BUT
she does not really feel |
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| some family |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|10:25 am] |
i try to fit in until i realize i don't want to fit in
i'm not anything you say i am
im okay im okay im okay im okay im okay im okay
i dont want to be what you say i am
i am not what you say i am
oh the drugs were so good
and now without them, i can't cope
im so scared im so scared i am so scared i could just die
doesn't it sound nice |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|10:23 am] |
you say its not there but thats just because you're too ignorant to question what you REALLY see
god is something made up when people are feeling down. they want comfort and some balance. for people who everything is going wrong they reason that god has a plan and he works in mysterious ways. no. he is there because you made him up |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|10:19 am] |
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sitting in class she knows an emotional addictional is worse than a phsyical addiction because of what she learns. sitting in my room i know an emotional addiction is far worse than physical addiction because of what i live. still, when you say "i love you", it sets me back every time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|10:17 am] |
i keep your flowers next to my bed
they stop me from doing stupid things when it's late at night and i am alone
well i am sorry but every time ive tried to stop things have just gotten worse
'roin |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|10:14 am] |
i always think that its the end but its got me falling all over again
it's like cancer, there is no cure
it's like cancer, you pity me
it's like cancer, there is no cure
my whole life i've known goodness
my whole live i've lived sin
when your reality is nothing like what you've been told
there really is no other option
i seek advice from the greatest
but i listen to nothing they say
how are you supposed to follow your heart when they tell you your heart is cold? |
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| selfish |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|10:11 am] |
the second time around i chose love over drugs
but the pain is still here
and i keep foil in my purse
... just in case
too hung up over love
too high to realize its over
i am too high to realize it is over
i miss you
but i don't want to miss you |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|10:26 pm] |
hearing your name brings so much pain
if i saw you tonight would it be alright?
all i can be is me and me is who i dont want to be
they tell me to stop frowning but all i ever think about is drowning drowning
i'm wasting time with this rhyme |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|09:47 pm] |
the tubes up my nose really made it bleed
it took the young doctor several pokes before he found a vein
i will be bruised some more on my arms
she comes running in, saying i should have called
i did call
she did not answer
calling...calling... i know you must be there
i tell the young doctor i don't belong here in this hospital
a boy next to me looks at me and says, "shit"
yes, shit.
heroin goodbye rape goodbye lies goodbye sin goodbye dissapointment goodbye masochism goodbye
i tried |
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| METHADONE |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|09:35 pm] |
i really had to go downtown.
you know, it hurts
don't tell me i'm making things worse
don't tell me i'm running away again
don't tell me i'm ruining everything
because i realize
you know, it hurts
don't touch me don't get close don't touch me don't touch me again
this sexual abuse turns into phsyical abuse which turns into mental abuse which turns into drug abuse.
this sexual abuse turns into phsyical abuse which turns into mental abuse which turns into
drug abuse
the drug abuse will stop it all
but those few moments when i am not high,
the pain is so intolerable
the memories, the hands, the cum
just make it stop.
i really had to go downtown.
and christmas, easter, and every other holiday will never be the same |
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| a distorted reality is now a necessity to be free |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|09:25 pm] |
bored, wanting more
listening to elliott smith sing, "my mama told be baby stay clean theres no inbetween... a distorted reality is now a necessity to be free"
tomorrow i will stop
yes, tomorrow
do i still love you?
yes, i do
do i know what love is?
not quite
everything elliott smith sings i could sing,
"I know my place, hate my face, I know how I began and how I won't end strung out again"
of course,
i'm always strung out.
again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|12:05 am] |
i want to set all the animals free
you keep me caged like an animal
you keep laughing when i'm crying
well you said, "you remind me of the ocean... so deep and dark and when i'm in you, you're always wet"
if you don't care if i set the animals free,
why are you keeping me caged like an animal? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|11:56 pm] |
and i love the crisp crunchy sound of my turn table playing one rainy wish
it makes me think of you and your blonde hair and how i want to laugh with you
but i am lying in a white bed by myself
listening to jimi hendrix and the lonely sound of a record cackling |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|11:50 pm] |
i feel like a clown.
most people are scared of me,
and the ones who aren't laugh from embarassment of me
i couldn't have any more bruises on my arms
i'm losing the pigment in my skin again
my back is scabed from all this scratching
you'd think i'd stop. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|11:42 pm] |
so sick, so high
so sick of being high
fuck, i am so high
i drive nowhere listening to music i don't understand
i shouldn't be driving loaded
i shouldn't be loaded
i'm going home
i'm so cold i am freezing i am so alone here in my bed come in the covers with me, please.
why am i sweating if i am so cold
i smoke heroin until my eyes can't even open
lately i have been doing so much apologizing
when is anyone ever going to apologize to me?
don't expect anything from me and don't tell me what to do
because i will only let you down
fuck. i am so fucking loaded. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|11:41 pm] |
all i have to do is let go. all i have to do is let go. all i have to do is let go.
i wish i could trust you
i wish you weren't a liar |
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